You smell like stripper and shame
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
