I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
