I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I could fuck to npr.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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