Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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