Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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