Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
