you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
