i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
