She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you had me at cake vodka
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
