I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
