her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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