Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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