I wish my penis had an off switch
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
