Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
