I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
ttyl tear gas
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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