I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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