I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
