she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
