hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
