i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
