After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
