He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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