I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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