At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
