So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
