So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
