so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
