that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
