Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
