No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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