Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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