He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I love you.
Bad choice
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
