Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
