my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
