I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
