Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Barsexuality is the new black.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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