the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
