Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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