Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
