i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
