You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
