That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
