It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
