I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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