Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
