I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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