best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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