I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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