I just made out with a guy for $7.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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