There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
