I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
im holly from the hills drunk
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
